Diamondback
by pippin143
Summary: "Since when do you talk with my husband?" Ever since Aveline's and Donnic's wedding, Fenris and Donnic have played diamondback once a week. One day, Donnic brings up the subject he knows is Fenris's second taboo: Fenris's complicated relationship with Hawke.


**"** **Since when do you talk with my husband?" Ever since Aveline's and Donnic's wedding, Fenris and Donnic have played diamondback once a week. One day, Donnic brings up the subject he knows is Fenris's second taboo: Fenris's complicated relationship with Hawke.**

* * *

"So then Aveline stormed out, her hands waving in the air. She actually cursed the maker! It was adorable."

Fenris gave a small chuckle, shuffling the deck for another round. He never tired of hearing Donnic's stories about his hot-tempered wife. The pair's relationship was one of the few things that could make him smile.

"She's an admirable woman, Donnic." Fenris said, "You're lucky to have her as a wife and captain."

"She's the love of my life," he replied with a guilty smile. "But she gets angry so fast! That's why I didn't want her to know about our diamondback games. Woman's a sore loser. She was so angry I wouldn't let her come."

"Well," Fenris added, dealing two cards to Donnic and himself, "I'm sorry I mentioned game night to her. I'm sure she'll forgive you soon."

"Oh, she'll get over it," Donnic said with a smile, shaking his head as he examined his two cards. "Aveline is known to channel her anger into her work. After tonight's scheduling and disciplines, she'll no longer be mad."

Fenris laughed inwardly and picked up his own hand. Though the game was based on the luck of the draw, unless you were a cheater like Isabela, there was a lot of skill required in bluffing. And Fenris was an excellent bluffer. According to Varric he had only two expressions: anger and brooding.

He looked at his two cards, a priestess and queen. That totaled forty-five points. A decent hand, but not one he was willing to wager too much on. They'd been playing for quite some time, and he'd already lost two sovereigns.

"Five silver," Fenris said his green eyes flicking up to Donnic's brown, completely unreadable.

"That's not a large number, Fenris," Donnic said, glancing down at his own hand again. "Getting nervous? I'll match it."

"Not nervous," Fenris replied, "Just running out of pocket change. I'm already in debt with Varric and Isabela, though I won't be paying the latter. Ever."

"No surprise there," Donnic said with a sarcastic smile, laying down a priestess and watching Fenris's eyes to see his reaction.

The elf looked down at his cards. He had a priestess as well, so that meant there were no priestesses left in the game. Donnic could only win the hand if he had the magician or a king. But knowing Donnic, the man would have played the trump card first if he had it, so Fenris decided to rule out that possibility. But there was a very high chance the man had a king.

Fenris's dark brow tightened as he attempted to do to math in his head…but from all the wine, the countless games they already played, and his own personal struggles with numbers and letters, he decided to place his queen down and hope for the best.

"I up the bet by 50 bits." Fenris said with a small, tired sigh. "You fold?"

"Against you?" Donnic said with a challenging smile. "Never. I wish to up the bet by one silver."

"That's a risk I'm not willing to take." Fenris replied, "And as this round's dealer, I close the betting." They both flipped their second cards face forward. Fenris's nostrils flared in delight to see Donnic's was a priest. He beat the man by five points. Now he only owed Donnic...one sovereign, nighty-four silvers, and fifty bits. Plus the other three sovereigns from last week's game. He really needed to stop gambling.

"Oh, Maker..." Donnic said, taking another swig from his mug. Then with a small laugh, "You should have betted more."

"I don't like taking risks." Fenris said, putting the cards back into the deck and handing them to Donnic. The man began to shuffle, a small smile on his face.

"Believe me, I know."

"And what do you mean by that?" Fenris said with a friendly growl, reaching for his own mug and taking a deep gulp.

"You and Hawke." Donnic said softly, dealing the cards.

Fenris felt his heart skip a beat at the name. The tender memories from three years ago flashed through his mind. Her brown eyes full of love and compassion, her warm body pressed against his, the feeling of her soft brown hair running through his ghastly hands, then the remembering of his life before the lyrium ritual, the pain he felt and saw reflected in her eyes when she woke without him beside her, and the heartbreak that filled her face when he ran away.

"What about it?" he growled, less friendly this time.

"Fenris, it's no secret that you two shared a night all those years ago."

"Then you also know it's no secret that I broke it off."

"I've gotten to know you and your friends pretty well these past few years," Donnic continued, picking up his cards, "You and Hawke in particular, and I can see that you both still have feelings for each other."

"Why are you bringing this up?" Fenris said, a miserable expression crossing his face. He stared into the mug's dark liquid. Usually when his friends tried to talk to him about his feelings for Hawke he'd shut them down. It was too painful, too shameful for him to remember. But something about Donnic stalled him from throwing up those old walls. Or perhaps it was just the alcohol.

"Fenris, remember when Hawke, Varric, and you did all those crazy things for Aveline to get my attention? All the silly gifts, all the run around, then you finally just blurted out 'she wants you'. The lot of you went out of your ways to help Aveline find happiness again. And did she ever ask why?"

"No." he sighed, refusing to look at the man.

"Exactly. It's what friends do. They help one another. They want one another to be happy. You should give your relationship another shot."

"It's been too many years, Donnic," Fenris said with a deep, regretful sigh. "I have no right to ask her for forgiveness now." He picked up the cards before him. A king and queen. Thirty five points. Not a good hand, but not terrible either.

"But you have a right to be happy."

"All I've ever known is pain," Fenris brooded, placing the cards face down and rubbing his tired eyes. "The horror of waking up after the lyrium ritual and not remembering who I was, the torment I suffered at Danarius's hands, the constant running and fear after my escape. When Hawke came into my life, I began to realize that maybe I could be happy. But I can't. Nothing good in my life has lasted. I can't risk losing her, too. I can't."

He swallowed hard and glared at the mug, blaming the countless draughts for making him this emotional. He needed to get out of here, or at least lighten the mood.

"So are you going to place a bet or what?" he said with a growl, picking his cards back up. "Or are you afraid I'll win back all my coin."

"You don't have to pay me back, Fenris." Donnic said, with a sad smile, looking at his own hand. "Just promise me you will stop punishing yourself. I know Hawke still wants you in her life, so stop hurting her with your fear of happiness. You're my friend, and I hate seeing you throwing your life away because of these Tevinter ghosts."

"Danarius will come," Fenris said, low and gravely. "He always does."

"And we will all stand by you when he does. He will never lay hands on you again."

"Thank you," Fenris said, his eyes growing wet. "You're a good man, Donnic."

"If you still want to play," Donnic said, sighing as he placed his cards down, "let's call this round a draw. I'll even let you deal again."

"Your hand that bad?" Fenris said with a forced smile, gathering the old cards. "I'll agree it you stay true to your word about not making me pay."

"Hah, elf!" Donnic laughed, greedily draining the rest of his mug. "I meant for this week! I still expect my three sovereigns from last time."

"Let's just see how the next few rounds go," Fenris replied, "Who knows, you might end up owing me coin."

"Don't get your hopes that high," Donnic laughed, "But remember, you can always borrow the money from Hawke."

Donnic's words didn't embarrass Fenris like Merrill's or hurt him like Ander's. His words were genuine. Because Donnic was a genuine man. Fenris gave a soft sigh, shuffling the cards for another game.

Maybe Donnic was right. Maybe he was punishing himself. Maybe he was hurting the person he cared the most about.

Maybe it was finally time to tell Hawke that he loved her.

After all the chaos with Danarius and these rumors about his free sister were over, of course.


End file.
